WW: Return to Work? or SAHM?

(k first let me just say that i wished i had more time

to participate in these writer's workshops, so

i'm really making the effort to do them!)

when my emma was born some 5 and a bit years ago, 

i didn't know what kind of mother i would be.

i read every book and signed up to every online 

community that would help prepare me for motherhood.

i knew what kind of mother i wanted to be:

nuturing, loving, educating and above all, present.

she was born into a 2 bedroom 700 sqft. suite

in vancouver, which at the time suited us quite fine.

we both worked in the city, me at a community pharmacy

for a few years and the hubs at a physiotherapy clinic.

we were frugal most of the time, frivolous spenders

a part of the time but always with the thought

that we wanted what was best for our little girl.

when emma turned one and my maternity leave

ended, our humble beginnings allowed for me to continue to stay at home.

i would take care of emma and do fun activities with her,

cook and clean and manage the household.

that also meant though, that we had to stay on a strict budget

and that wasn't always that easy.

we had big dreams, my husband and i.

travelling, buying a soccer mom  bigger vehicle,

putting emma in various activities,

and then before we even knew it, we were outgrowing

our home. so to tack on to our dreams,

we also knew we'd need a bigger home to house

the family we have and the one we'd hope to have in the

future.

at first, the stay at home mom thing was fantastic.

i couldn't imagine sending emma to a daycare

so that i could work in order to even pay for daycare.

(i mean c'mon right?) 

we'd play together, take naps together,

go on walks and it was a beautiful time; just me and her!

but the ever daunting task of laundry and mopping

and sweeping and general cleaning of my home

made doing all of those wonderful things 

with her nearly impossible.

how could that be? how could i not love being at home?

so.

i went back to work part-time and i have to say 

i really loved it. to feel needed by others was a gift 

i had taken for granted. adult socialization was another

thing i took for granted. and by going back to work i got that.

now i know what you're thinking...hello? people need you at home too!

but it was a different kind of need. before i became a mother,

my work was all about helping others and i know in

choosing my line of work that it reflected my purpose

on this earth. when becoming a mother, that also gave

me purpose, but its not difficult to lose

sight of who you are when you're

a stay at home mom.

being away also made me appreciate my family more.

i'm a firm believer of absence making the heart grow

fonder and being out of the house for 4 hours each day

made me crave coming home to be with my family.

of course the added benefit of me going back to work

part-time was extra income. yippee!! it wasn't much

but it was enough to get into a bigger suite

in the building we lived in, it allowed us to afford sending

emma to montessori preschool and our first big family trip:

to disneyland!

to which after, we were blessed with the news we'd

have another baby. our olivia. i worked part-time right up until 

olivia was born and when the year was up, i went right back to work.

i was blessed to have found a job that would further

my career; from job to profession, make our financial situation 

waaaay better and make those dreams of ours (now a lot bigger than they were

before) seem a lot more within our reach.

i thought i would always want to be a SAHM, but 

i've realized that i was just built for more than that. i sincerely applaud

all of you awesome SAHMs out there who nurture, educate and

entertain their little ones and still manage to have time to 

do EVERYTHING else.

in my being at work, there's more balance around here.

the hubs picks up wherever i lack and vice versa. 

its a team effort and the girls are attached to us

equally. (well, 60/40 lol!) 

now, we're going to be out of our condo and into a brand new town home

within this year and we'll continue to dream big...and i have to say i have no regrets

on choosing to go back to work because that means

i'll keep that piece of me alive :)

this blog will participate in mama kat's writers workshop! link up :)